Logo

Why do a lot of women have a crush on my boyfriend when they know he is in a relationship with me? I am starting to feel insecure too. What should I do?

12.06.2025 00:04

Why do a lot of women have a crush on my boyfriend when they know he is in a relationship with me? I am starting to feel insecure too. What should I do?

More than 5 women (you do say A LOT), something else is afoot. It *could* be his natural good looks and charm, but from what I've seen in my lifetime, usually the men who have lots of women pining for him are either incorrigible flirts or unrepentant ladies’ men. That means, not only does he have lots of options and opportunities, but there is also massive competition. Women are known for “husband snatching” for a reason. While not all women do that, the ones who wouldn't would never even dream of making their crushes known to a man with a wife or girlfriend. Although you two are not married yet, I personally wouldn't want to live with bated breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Clearly there is something in his behavior that suggests to these women that they have a chance with him, despite his relationship with you.

It's one thing if there's a few women (5 or less) who have an obvious crush on your boyfriend. Some women want what they can't have, or they're like Angelina Jolie, only wanting guys who are already taken. They do exist. Unfortunately, if you're with a good man, some women ARE going to be jealous, and a few may even try to ruin what you have so they have a chance with him themselves. In this case, talking with your boyfriend and making him aware of these women may give him the awareness he needs not to let them get a foothold in his heart.

If the second scenario is correct in your case, I would break up with him. It's not going to work if you are not enough for him.

I’m wondering about attachment and transference with the therapist and the idea of escape and fantasy? How much do you think your strong feelings, constant thoughts, desires to be with your therapist are a way to escape from your present life? I wonder if the transference serves another purpose than to show us our wounds and/or past experiences, but is a present coping strategy for managing what we don’t want to face (even if unconsciously) in the present—-current relationships, life circumstances, etc. Can anyone relate to this concept of escape in relation to their therapy relationship? How does this play out for you?

I have a different opinion about this, and some people may not care for it.